Matthew Perry Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing (Autobiography) - Book Review

This book is an Autobiography written by Matthew Perry

Trigger Warning: This autobiography talks about alcohol and drug abuse, addiction, rehab, near-death experience, and death.

"For All of the Sufferers Out There. . . . You Know Who You Are"

Many people know Matthew Perry as Chandler Bing, the funny comic relief on Friends. Now, thanks to this autobiography and his unfortunate passing, we know that the story of Matthew Perry goes much deeper than the characters he played on TV and in Film. 

Matthew Perry's story follows his journey to becoming an acclaimed actor, from his childhood in Ottawa to the start of his drinking problem to his move to Los Angeles. A nationally ranked tennis star and an only child trying to balance two parents in different countries at opposite ends of the continent, Matthew's story is raw and dives deep into the heartbreak of being a product of divorce, trying to hold his mother's happiness, and wrestling with a growing family, including a new step-father, Keith Morrison, and new siblings. 

Matthew's journey to L.A. to focus on his tennis career and live with his father and his new family is the turning point in the life of the actor we know today. Matthew's father, John Bennett Perry, was an actor, known especially for his Old Spice commercials and encouraged his son to follow in his footsteps. For a while, the thrill of acting fulfilled him, especially after landing the role of Chandler, a part he knew he was born to play - obsessively so. Unfortunately, not even that could keep Matthew sober, and he found himself again struggling with his sobriety.  

This autobiography touches on all aspects of Matthew Perry's life, the good, the bad and the ugly, with grace and sometimes dark humour that somehow seem fitting even though the viewing public is used to seeing him in much lighter roles.

I listened to this book through my local library (via Libby). 

To hear Matthew Perry's voice after his tragic passing adds another layer to this book. The "tagline" for this blog is the first words spoken by Matthew in the intro. How fitting. In the prologue, he even says this is me from the beyond, from my beyond. It's chilling. Listening to him speak, it's such a contrast from the characters he played on our screens. 

When I think of Matthew Perry, I think naturally of Chandler Bing, the quirky jokester, who loves Monica Geller. I guess it is naive to think that such a happy character should come from a happy actor. Maybe it was typecasting, but even in The Whole Nine Yards with Bruce Willis, he is the comic relief. It is so jarring to hear his voice so deadpan, talking about alcoholism and drug addiction. 

Once you get used to the tone of the book, you start to see Matthew's true character come out in little jokes and random commentary. It is even more evident in the audiobook when his voice changes, using sarcastic tones and emphasis.  

The Review

As Matthew continues to tell his story, he compares himself to Chandler in a few ways, and it is a sobering reality when you find that what was so charming in Chandler was a result of Matthew's discomfort or quirks that seem to point to mental health issues. It is incredibly heartbreaking to think of the rollercoaster life of Matthew Perry and how he suffered in silence. Who would have thought that Chandler Bing was a secret drug addict, alcoholic, and had mental health issues? 

I believe that this book is more than just a nod to the troubled life of Matthew Perry. I think it is a great reminder to all - you never know what battle someone is fighting. Celebrities have the same issues, too. You are not alone. Addiction may feel shameful, but in the world we live in, it is so common that there is no shame anymore. In the same way that mental health is becoming more and more understood, so is addiction. It is an illness; you wouldn't make someone feel ashamed for having cancer. It is hard to think of mental health and addiction as an equivalent to a physical illness, but that is part of the battle. 

While listening to this autobiography, I cried, I chuckled, and I sighed. Knowing how the story ends, it makes everything hit just a little harder.

Rating and Recommendation

My Star rating is a little different for autobiographies and memoirs because I don't think you can judge those things. How can you say someone didn't do their life justice, or they didn't tell their story right? I think you can only rate these types of novels by what they made you feel. Did they make you feel the way you were supposed to? 

In this case, it was such a rollercoaster ride. I found myself chuckling slightly at certain things, but ultimately, I felt the deep pain of addiction. The helplessness of trying to navigate life with mental health issues and only finding drugs and alcohol for comfort. As someone who suffers from mental health issues myself, and was also an only child to my divorced parents, I felt I connected to Matthew in a way. It was like we both knew the pain of certain things. It was an I see you moment. And I think that was the whole reason Matthew wrote this book. Naturally, I think that was more for other addicts to know they were being seen, but I think any time a book can connect with someone, whether they were the target or not, is a win. 

I gave this book five stars because I think it hits even harder now that Matthew Perry is no longer with us. The world is a little colder without him, and this is just a little piece to help make up the difference.

 

I had this book on my Wish List for years (since it came out). I am not much of a biography/autobiography/memoir reader, so I never had it as a priority to buy. I do not own it. And after listening to it, I don't think I will buy the book. But I definitely will buy the audiobook. 

Conclusion

Listen to this book. It is very, very rare, I say that. I love physical books. If they weren't so expensive in comparison, I would never buy an ebook. And if I had all the time in the world, I would read day and night and never buy an audiobook either. But I can admit that audiobooks and ebooks have their place and their pros (as well as their cons). And I think hearing Matthew Perry's story, from his own lips, just adds another layer of emotion and impact to this story. Sometimes, we can forget that actors, singers, professional athletes, writers, chefs, etc., are people just like us. And I think this humanised the people we see on TV or in movies. A quiet reminder that you never know what battle anyone is fighting, and just because they are rich and famous doesn't mean they don't experience things like the rest of us do.

"Why, why am I alive?" Matthew asks himself this question, and he feels like the answer is to help people. Now that he has been through his own addictions and recoveries and setbacks, he can help others. Matthew Perry was 52 years old when he published (and presumably read for) his autobiography. Matthew Perry Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing was published in October of 2022. Exactly two years later, on October 28th, 2024, Matthew Perry passed away due to the negative effects of ketamine.

After his death, the Matthew Perry Foundation was established by the National Philanthropic Trust. Their goal is to support people suffering from addiction. 

If you or someone you know is struggling with alcohol or drug addiction. There is light. There are resources. Please consult the options below or call 9-1-1 in cases of emergency. 

• Connex Ontario. This service is available 24/7 to Ontario residents; they have a phone number you can call (1-866-531-2600) and text (247247), and they have a live chat on their website.  
• camh. This website has a resource section that offers some aid for Canadians and Americans.
• Society of Addiction Psychology from the American Psychological Association also has a list of (International) resources on its website.
• The World Health Organisation offers a list of resources based on location. 

You can find Matthew Perry Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing in its respective mediums below: 

* Book cover image retrieved from GoodReads. All rights belong to the author and/or publisher. 
* All the "stickers" in this blog were provided by Bookish (presented by NetGalley). 
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